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Making Progress In Fatherhood
Program Gives Support, Teaches Skills To New And Seasoned Dads
Raising children can be difficult. They don't come with instruction booklets and there is no return policy. Parents must learn to change diapers and heat bottles properly. They may cry in joy as their toddler takes that first step and their hair might gray while dealing with a rebellious teenager. Society typically offers support to the mother, but usually only offers services to men when there is a crisis, said Michael Kramer, coordinator of West Hawaii Fatherhood Initiative. "We claim to serve the whole family, but we don't," he said. "(The men) either believe the help isn't for them, or they don't respond well." This is what West Hawaii Fatherhood Initiative is trying to change. Created in early 2004 and funded primarily by Hawaii Children's Trust Fund, the program seeks to help fathers be the most effective parents they can. "We've been seeing a lot of stress with these guys and we want to give them an outlet to let that stress out," Kramer said. "Sometimes it's just giving them someone to talk to. Dads usually turn to self-destructive behaviors when stressed. They yell, they hit, they drink. We want to change that pattern." The program offers one-on-one visits, group sessions and classes, a mentoring program, and group activities, such as camping and beach days with their children. "The program is basically driven by (the fathers) -- what do they need help with, what can we give them," Kramer said. "We've had about 120 fathers so far, and they come and go. Dads are very busy. They come, take a few classes, get what they want and leave. Some retake classes. We don't hound them, we don't push. They stay as long as they need support." The program also has access to current information on child development, parent-child interaction and more. Classes are offered in areas such as listening, infant massage, providing support for the mother, time management and dealing with teenagers. "Most dads take the role of provider, but they can be much more. We try to provide the space for our dads to share things, giving them a common ground to talk about problems and obstacles they face," said Kauila Ho, a father specialist with the program and father of two grown children. The key is encouraging fathers just to be there, Kramer said. About 25 percent of fathers in West Hawaii are out of the picture before the child is even born -- they don't even make it through the pregnancy, he added. "Aloha and love are the program's foundation," said Larry Ursua, a father facilitator and father of six, "to make sure (the fathers) have that love and respect for themselves, that they're valued and they have worth." Hopu Blanco, a 16-year-old father of a 10-month-old son, said he enjoys the program and encourages other fathers to get involved. "It doesn't really matter how old you are -- the older dads need help as well," Blanco said. "And the program helps. It teaches you things you don't know, like potty training. And it's fun." Blanco said his greatest challenge as a father is trying to finish school. Now, his son comes first and everything else, like sports and homework, follows, he said. "I'm mostly scared of my son being like me," Blanco said. "I want him to follow his own goals. I don't want him to have the same challenges I'm having. I want him to feel free, live his own life." These are thoughts Blanco can share with the other dads. Kramer said the program has typically been working with two groups of men -- the younger, new dads who are excited but lack confidence in themselves, and the dads who have tried things that didn't work and are looking for new approaches in dealing with their children. There have also been grandparents who are looking for ways to help their sons who are now having children. While the program is free for all dads, the focus is on new fathers, and so far has been Kona-based. Kramer said he wants to expand a little more north and south, but his greatest challenge is funding, which limits the number of fathers they can assist. The mentoring program does help and the support has been tremendous, but they still need more father mentors, Kramer said. Ho said he also sees the program as an example to other agencies, helping those agencies become more father friendly. "I see it evolving," Ho said. "It's going to take some time, but we're in it for the long haul." |
