EVENT CELEBRATES FATHERHOOD
BY CAROLYN LUCAS-ZENK | WEST HAWAII TODAY
Some evenings when he and his 5-year-old son are
sprawled across the living room floor, playing
with fire trucks and laughing, Kailua-Kona
resident Chris Olivera can't stop smiling.
Moments like this are what Olivera always wanted.
Growing up, Olivera had two fathers who loved him tremendously and taught him how to be a man. He credits them for his work ethic and strong sense of respect.
Despite their positive influence, Olivera felt "sort of lost" about being a father and disconnected from his son. He didn't know how to interact with him. Most of what he did was "more monitoring" than parenting.
With his marriage in turmoil, Olivera foresaw its end and knew he needed help developing better parenting skills. He took his now ex-wife's advice and joined Family Support Hawaii's West Hawaii Fatherhood Initiative -- Na Makua Kane Maikai O Hawaii.
Inside the Family Support Hawaii office on Lunapule Road in Kailua-Kona, Olivera connected with coaches and other fathers. During the past year, they kept him in check, built his confidence and made him realize he was not alone.
He learns information weekly that helps him navigate through parenthood and brings him closer to his son. He asks questions without judgment.
"My goal is not be a carbon copy of my fathers, but I will still emphasize all the good things they did in my life. More than anything, I plan to love, care and raise my son as much as I can," he said. "What makes you a father is not just your ability to have a child and provide food, clothing and shelter for him. That's only about a third of it. The rest, the most important part, is having the courage and confidence to raise your child and truly being there."
For Olivera, this Father's Day is "momentous."
"It's the first Father's Day since the divorce that I truly feel like a father," he said.
Led by coaches Kauila Ho and Larry Ursua, the program helps men be more comfortable in their roles as fathers. It increases their knowledge about the best effective parenting techniques, and how to reduce family stress and deal with conflict. It also offers fellowship and builds a social support network of fathers.
"Fatherhood is men's greatest calling," Ho said. "What we hope participants take away is how important their role is, as well as recognize the value of co-parenting. We want them to be the best father they can be."
Kailua-Kona resident Jason Kaai has a photo of his father, but never knew him. His father died before he was born.
Kaai said he came to understand the importance of fatherhood through absence. Now a father of six, he hopes his children know he'll be there for them always.
Kaai started attending Na Makua Kane Maikai O Hawaii over a year ago because he sought a place where he could freely talk about the challenges of parenting, let go of the pressures and learn skills that would better his relationship with his children. He's grateful for the program because there are few places locally for fathers to go for advice.
Over time, Kaai has discovered the similarities between him and his children, such as their love of rising early, adventuring and not returning home until dusk.
Though the program is voluntary, some participants are referred from family court, Child Protective Services, domestic violence shelters, the Neighborhood Place or their probation officers. Most do not have custody of their children.
The free program, from 6 to 7:30 p.m. Tuesdays, offers a dinner, class and child care. The topics discussed include conflict resolution, men's health, substance abuse prevention strategies and Hawaiian values.
The initiative held its annual Celebration of Fatherhood Saturday at the Swing Zone in Kailua-Kona, where attendees enjoyed unlimited use of batting cages, miniature golf, a climbing wall and other activities.
Kailua-Kona resident Christian Medeiros, 22, knows first-hand the pain of paternal abandonment. He's grateful his stepfather was a good male role model in his life. Medeiros said the only thing he learned from his biological father was "not to ditch your kids."
When his daughters were born, Medeiros had tears of joy in his eyes.
"At that moment, I realized there was something bigger and more important in my life," he said. "It means so much to me that my girls get what I never had. Though I'm not perfect, I hope they know that every breath I take is because they're here. I also hope they know how hard I try to be a good dad, even though I cannot be around all the time."
Since November, Medeiros has attended the program because he wanted to be active in parenting and show his character. Medeiros learned how to be more patient and nurturing.
"There's really no end to this program for me," he said. "I plan on continuing to take advantage of this service for fathers, which is helping us better ourselves."