Thoughts On Spanking

Many parents feel they need to spank in order not to spoil a child, or to maintain order in their home, or because they don't know what else to do and are afraid to let go of the control they do have  Often parents feel badly when they do spank and wish they knew other alternatives.

Many parents have found that as they learn limit setting skills the need to spank lessens greatly and in many cases disappears entirely. They are able to deal with children's problems before they become a crisis; and, they also learn how to take care of themselves when they feel their anger is becoming explosive. When parents of infants learn to skillfully set limits from the very beginning, it frequently means that spanking will never even be an issue.

To consider:

1. We are our children's first and most important models. While they absorb both our words and our behavior, the old adage, "Actions .speak louder than words" definitely applies to children as they learn from us.  If we don't want our children to solve their problems by hitting and screaming, it is most important that we model appropriate alternatives for them (How often have we seen a parent hitting a child and yelling, "How many times have 1 told you that it's not okay to hit y our little sister?" If we seem to have no alternatives to hitting, how can we expect our children to be more resourceful than we are?

2. Children react with fear and anger to being hit. While you may get obedience in the moment, lasting change grows in a climate of love and trust  Fear and anger create lying, desire for revenge, bullying, defiance, tattling, organizing with other children against parents, withdrawing, lack of creativity, and blaming others.

3. Children are exposed to a great deal of violence in this society through television, movies, and newspapers.  If we truly want to teach our children to be peaceful and to be able to join with others as problem solvers, it is important that our homes be a place where children learn to communicate well and to resolve conflicts non-violently.

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